Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are are powerful,beyond measures.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We were all meant to shine, as children.
It's not just in some of us. It's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
Sunday, September 23, 2007

Path

A Path. It is a way beaten, formed, or trodden by the feet of persons or animals, it is a narrow walk way, a route, course, a course of action or conduct. There are various meanings to the simplicity of this word. Every single one of us is bound to come across a path that is unforgettable, be it the path to success, the path to failure. As for me, there is a certain path that is vividly imprinted in my mind, one that for years I have tried to forget, and yet failed; and the story goes.

The dawn would break, signaling the start of a new day, the alarm clock would shrill noisily ringing in my ear. Trudging to the toilet, I would smile to myself silly. Although school was a chore and the least bit enjoyable, the thought of the journey towards the bus stop changed everything. Hurriedly, I wore my uniform and brushed my hair – I wanted to look my best. “Ben, are you ready?” my mother cried out from below.

“Almost!” I hollered back from my room. Grabbing my book bag, I ambled down the stairs and took my breakfast. What’s the hurry? My mother would always never fail to ask me curiously and I would just shrug. It was really tough to contain my anticipation. “Mum! I’m off!” I called out. Without awaiting her reply, I rushed out of the house in high spirits. I glanced at my watch and a grin unknowingly formed on my face, I was just on time, that I had realized.

And this was the time I looked forward to the most. Some people would perceive it as an obsession, others maybe insanity but it seemed to me as pure human nature, love. There she was, the only reason I looked forward to every morning without fail.- Sasha. Beautiful, tidy, she possessed a tinge of elegance as she walked the same way I did. There was just something about her that was so alluring. Today, her hair was tied up as usual, perfect, it really was. As we walked on the same path, occasionally, there she would be in the front as I would come out later and sometimes I would have came earlier than she did, but nevertheless, we’d still meet somehow. During the times when I’m at the back, subconsciously, I would try to catch up with her, just to catch her scent after her morning shower. I still remember her smell- like flowers in spring.

I stole glances at her every now and then, afraid she noticed and when she turned my way coincidentally, somehow I would have managed to turn away. She was to me like lights that lit my path and she paved a way each day, slowly into my heart. When the sun rose out from the horizon and at that point, I never failed to capture her angelic face as she would sniff softly into the air and sigh peacefully. She was just so captivating.

“Ben, just say hello!” I’d utter to myself mentally and yet fear gripped me as I compared myself to her. She came from an elite school and I, a school she probably never heard of before. She looked so pretty and I, just an average lad. How could she ever want to get to know me? We were like world’s apart I noticed sadly. Forlorn, I made a mental note to give up but that just never did happen and it continued to be this way for years. – With me admiring her from afar. At least, that was till my last year in secondary school.

I guess I realized that I could not live any longer without wondering what she liked and how she really was as a person and thus, on a fateful Friday morning in June, I plucked up all the courage I had and confronted her. It did not go as smoothly as I had thought, for it seemed really awkward and for a moment embarrassing but that was the turning point in my entire life and I am so glad that I made that decision.

Every morning after that incident, I would come out with so many excuses just to talk to her or to say a small ‘hi’ Slowly, as every day passed, I got to her know her better, even though it was for only 10 minutes, it never failed to make my day.

As time took its course, we started to feel for each other, ‘I miss you’ always seemed to be used and time spent together seemed to get longer and longer. Secrets were shared, gossips exchanged. We were almost inseparable. We spent dinners together, went through tough times together, braved the various storms of our life together, overcame many pitfalls in our life together and studied together aiming for the same college. Like all relationships, it was never a smooth sailing. But no matter how many times the waves swept our boat, it never capsized as we learnt how to take initiative to say words of care and encouragements, we learnt how to buy gifts for each other, we learnt when to give in and when to submit to each other. Even though we were not as mature as other couples were, we learnt the most important lesson, which is to trust and have faith. In my life, I learn that trust is like a tread, once broken it is very hard to reconnect it again.

3 years has passed since then, when we were 19 and she had unexpectedly won a scholarship to one of the best university in London. From the start, she never told me about it at all. It was only when her parents had sincerely asked me to let go that I found out she was leaving, leaving me. I struggled hard, I fought it everyday but it seemed to overpower me and it trigger another side of me which I had never even realized before. Even though it was an emotional turmoil, I decided that I would spend all the other remaining days that I had left with her and that I would try my very best to forget her and the lovely memories I had with her.

There are certain paths in life that we can choose to take and I chose to let her go because I loved her and I wanted the best for her. She never failed to put a smile on my face. When ever I am not around her, she constantly lingers in my mind. When I think about her; it was not about how she left me but it was how I was able to overcome the human emotions in me and continue to carry on the path that life had in stored for me.

And the day came, it was time for her to go off. I sent her off with a bouquet of roses and a diamond ring. The ring symbolized a circle, a circle of promise that to me could only be broken by the outside force called death. Tears were shed as she left, yes it was so tough for me to see her leave, but I saw that there was a need to move on even when time seemed to have a stand still in our lives. Life was never fair and I knew that I could never be happy if she had given up the scholarship for me. And although it hurt so much week after week, I knew I had to stand strong and believe that one day if we were meant to be, we’d meet again somehow.

Its been around 2 years now and I still never fail to look out of my window, and out towards the horizon, towards the birds nestling on trees. I would hear the sound of the breeze and smell the scent of the wildflowers and wonder if she is doing alright. I would remember of how we first met on the path. The path now is different, is changing. The coarse and edgy path that we used to walk together is now refined, no more pebbles, no more twigs, just a smooth road ahead, and maybe this is a sign.

“Sasha, when will you be back? I miss you.” I whispered into the air. As I stared once again outside my window, I pictured the smile in my head like how I always did. “You’re still so fresh in my memory.” I laughed sadly to myself. There, I saw a couple against a bench that we used to sit on and chat all day long; they look so in love, like how we were once.

Leaning against the window sill, I turned to face my walls. Every once in a while people realize they have taken the wrong paths, every once in a while people regret the paths they choose but as for me, I’m still walking on this path, this path of hope, this path of waiting. The path is long, but I believe that one day as I walk along this path, the very person I pray to see will be her. – the one that holds the key to my heart that I lost the very day she left.



CCS essay.

10:09 PM | 0 Comment

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