Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are are powerful,beyond measures.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We were all meant to shine, as children.
It's not just in some of us. It's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
Sunday, September 23, 2007

Path

A Path. It is a way beaten, formed, or trodden by the feet of persons or animals, it is a narrow walk way, a route, course, a course of action or conduct. There are various meanings to the simplicity of this word. Every single one of us is bound to come across a path that is unforgettable, be it the path to success, the path to failure. As for me, there is a certain path that is vividly imprinted in my mind, one that for years I have tried to forget, and yet failed; and the story goes.

The dawn would break, signaling the start of a new day, the alarm clock would shrill noisily ringing in my ear. Trudging to the toilet, I would smile to myself silly. Although school was a chore and the least bit enjoyable, the thought of the journey towards the bus stop changed everything. Hurriedly, I wore my uniform and brushed my hair – I wanted to look my best. “Ben, are you ready?” my mother cried out from below.

“Almost!” I hollered back from my room. Grabbing my book bag, I ambled down the stairs and took my breakfast. What’s the hurry? My mother would always never fail to ask me curiously and I would just shrug. It was really tough to contain my anticipation. “Mum! I’m off!” I called out. Without awaiting her reply, I rushed out of the house in high spirits. I glanced at my watch and a grin unknowingly formed on my face, I was just on time, that I had realized.

And this was the time I looked forward to the most. Some people would perceive it as an obsession, others maybe insanity but it seemed to me as pure human nature, love. There she was, the only reason I looked forward to every morning without fail.- Sasha. Beautiful, tidy, she possessed a tinge of elegance as she walked the same way I did. There was just something about her that was so alluring. Today, her hair was tied up as usual, perfect, it really was. As we walked on the same path, occasionally, there she would be in the front as I would come out later and sometimes I would have came earlier than she did, but nevertheless, we’d still meet somehow. During the times when I’m at the back, subconsciously, I would try to catch up with her, just to catch her scent after her morning shower. I still remember her smell- like flowers in spring.

I stole glances at her every now and then, afraid she noticed and when she turned my way coincidentally, somehow I would have managed to turn away. She was to me like lights that lit my path and she paved a way each day, slowly into my heart. When the sun rose out from the horizon and at that point, I never failed to capture her angelic face as she would sniff softly into the air and sigh peacefully. She was just so captivating.

“Ben, just say hello!” I’d utter to myself mentally and yet fear gripped me as I compared myself to her. She came from an elite school and I, a school she probably never heard of before. She looked so pretty and I, just an average lad. How could she ever want to get to know me? We were like world’s apart I noticed sadly. Forlorn, I made a mental note to give up but that just never did happen and it continued to be this way for years. – With me admiring her from afar. At least, that was till my last year in secondary school.

I guess I realized that I could not live any longer without wondering what she liked and how she really was as a person and thus, on a fateful Friday morning in June, I plucked up all the courage I had and confronted her. It did not go as smoothly as I had thought, for it seemed really awkward and for a moment embarrassing but that was the turning point in my entire life and I am so glad that I made that decision.

Every morning after that incident, I would come out with so many excuses just to talk to her or to say a small ‘hi’ Slowly, as every day passed, I got to her know her better, even though it was for only 10 minutes, it never failed to make my day.

As time took its course, we started to feel for each other, ‘I miss you’ always seemed to be used and time spent together seemed to get longer and longer. Secrets were shared, gossips exchanged. We were almost inseparable. We spent dinners together, went through tough times together, braved the various storms of our life together, overcame many pitfalls in our life together and studied together aiming for the same college. Like all relationships, it was never a smooth sailing. But no matter how many times the waves swept our boat, it never capsized as we learnt how to take initiative to say words of care and encouragements, we learnt how to buy gifts for each other, we learnt when to give in and when to submit to each other. Even though we were not as mature as other couples were, we learnt the most important lesson, which is to trust and have faith. In my life, I learn that trust is like a tread, once broken it is very hard to reconnect it again.

3 years has passed since then, when we were 19 and she had unexpectedly won a scholarship to one of the best university in London. From the start, she never told me about it at all. It was only when her parents had sincerely asked me to let go that I found out she was leaving, leaving me. I struggled hard, I fought it everyday but it seemed to overpower me and it trigger another side of me which I had never even realized before. Even though it was an emotional turmoil, I decided that I would spend all the other remaining days that I had left with her and that I would try my very best to forget her and the lovely memories I had with her.

There are certain paths in life that we can choose to take and I chose to let her go because I loved her and I wanted the best for her. She never failed to put a smile on my face. When ever I am not around her, she constantly lingers in my mind. When I think about her; it was not about how she left me but it was how I was able to overcome the human emotions in me and continue to carry on the path that life had in stored for me.

And the day came, it was time for her to go off. I sent her off with a bouquet of roses and a diamond ring. The ring symbolized a circle, a circle of promise that to me could only be broken by the outside force called death. Tears were shed as she left, yes it was so tough for me to see her leave, but I saw that there was a need to move on even when time seemed to have a stand still in our lives. Life was never fair and I knew that I could never be happy if she had given up the scholarship for me. And although it hurt so much week after week, I knew I had to stand strong and believe that one day if we were meant to be, we’d meet again somehow.

Its been around 2 years now and I still never fail to look out of my window, and out towards the horizon, towards the birds nestling on trees. I would hear the sound of the breeze and smell the scent of the wildflowers and wonder if she is doing alright. I would remember of how we first met on the path. The path now is different, is changing. The coarse and edgy path that we used to walk together is now refined, no more pebbles, no more twigs, just a smooth road ahead, and maybe this is a sign.

“Sasha, when will you be back? I miss you.” I whispered into the air. As I stared once again outside my window, I pictured the smile in my head like how I always did. “You’re still so fresh in my memory.” I laughed sadly to myself. There, I saw a couple against a bench that we used to sit on and chat all day long; they look so in love, like how we were once.

Leaning against the window sill, I turned to face my walls. Every once in a while people realize they have taken the wrong paths, every once in a while people regret the paths they choose but as for me, I’m still walking on this path, this path of hope, this path of waiting. The path is long, but I believe that one day as I walk along this path, the very person I pray to see will be her. – the one that holds the key to my heart that I lost the very day she left.



CCS essay.

10:09 PM | 0 Comment

mwzjamin - says:
are u turning in soon?

- cuendeess* doLcE™ simplicity says:
turn in what?

- cuendeess* doLcE™ simplicity says:
o riteeee

- cuendeess* doLcE™ simplicity says:
hahahahahahhahahahaha

mwzjamin - says:
sleep lol

- cuendeess* doLcE™ simplicity says:
i thot like u kno

- cuendeess* doLcE™ simplicity says:
u commit a crime

- cuendeess* doLcE™ simplicity says:
n u turn urself in to the police




somehow candice is a super smart girl

1:08 AM | 0 Comment

Sunday, September 16, 2007

woots i love church
service was good, need to get rid of my selfishness and have compassion to those around us, and help the poor and needy. loving my neighbour and myself
fuel overcoming my faults and needs in life

dinner, adam, stingray, kangcong!
felix,jerlyn,emily,nick,shermin,cyn,ed,jamien,luke,clem,pris,weishan.
we all talked and eat and chilled
haha hot topic was who will get married 1st! hahahaha
we choose nick cos he is a family guy simple and homely like the wife will go shop for kitchen wear and all the home stuff and, he will give all the money to the wife and cheques books, and she will shop her heart out, cos nick is the blur type and like he will massage his wife back when she comes home, and rub a feet and like pour coffee and tea! for her! hahaha we all can see tht coming haha
next will be pris or weishan hahaha
jamien will get a realli gentle loving wife! hahaha and soft and sweet(info by cyn) jamien kinda soft spoken guy, nice, gentlemanly! super family guy!
clem will summit during courtship than owned after marriage lol haha and he might get married 1st lol
edy! lol very early or very late!! cos he might go for missions hahaha simple wife. his saying when it comes, he will go!
cyn hahahaha one of the last, he gotta be super duper romantic, he gotta make her happy 24 7 hahahaha and do alot of stuff for her. demanding huh? everything gotta be perfect for her, shes so not getting married lol.
emily... a strong husband, housewife in future take care of kids, fetch them to schs and tuition! shes super soft! and like meek hahaha
felix hahahah late marriage! a strong wife for personallity but very Godly and understanding, but we all said like felix will still be strong, in Godly values. his girlfren will propose to him! and im told ill be his best man yay!!!
didnt talk abt jeryln sia.. why ah? hahaha
Ben will get married late due too high expectations thanks felix hahaha felix,cyn,ed,jer predicts ben's future wife will have the whole packge and she might be older! some how she is euraisian ! gorgeous! and she must be hot! i seriously didnt get it but felix,ed,cyn,jerlyn can totalli imagine it, guess ill agree wif them hahaha.felix was like, realli i can imagine u with her in ur minicopper driving her around, YEAH!
marcus, his future is already planned and sealed lol hahaha


sooo wads gonna happen 10years down the road? haha so fun!
shld do a time capsule!=)
God is love!
will all of us be like this close when we all have our own life?

im getting to know myself more each day.
ive realised im kinda selfish in certain ways
ive got a problem wif giving everything/denying myself
ive got high expectations
if i wanna do something or get something.it gotta be gd and worthwhile
kinda dont take initiative to do stuff for myself
ive spend too much on food now adays

12:20 AM | 0 Comment

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

today super fun, when jane's place to chill out crap alot! watched some korean anime, which sounded a little like canto, haha than i got tired so i slept, and kusal drew on my forehead. tht idiot! had a hard time washing it off, saw janes all pix hahaha she is a man! hahaha
went for 2d crack alot more hahaha
someone was wearing something, eye catching, temptations off u go. resist so hard!! woot
sch rocks my socks off

i surrender my all to u.
flee from temptation.

1:10 AM | 0 Comment

Monday, September 10, 2007

its been a super long while since i blogged, kinda busy all the art work! so many and i realli dont like to rush it hahah yet alone i dont like doing it so early hahah im kinda retared. u know i like wetting my feet hahaha when i use ariels comp to dota or msn, i jus realiesed its a habit hmm weird. painting drawing thinking essays woots this is the life! im loving it. met many lovely people, kuss,jane,rasti,jessica,aaron,elyn,teddy,eileen,fatin,roshni,ahtika,yolada basicalli everyone in my class 25 people haha cant clique will a few i dont know why honestly hahaha. i jus watched high sch musical 2! seriously nice, jus tht some of their songs are so corny! and too much singing!! and yes there were lovely songs, found out abt the scandle of van, damn it why why why why why. sighh i think it will realli impact the crowded and change our mindset of her. oh wells the pleasure of the world. church is always fun, sermon, the pastors, the leaders, frens, worship. i like fuel lol!!!
i remembed hating fuel and skipped fuel when it 1st began, after hearing the change of system, i think im gonna miss it. all the sharing from the heart of our leaders.. yeah im gonna miss fuel.

God is good all the time, i guess he pulled me together, and woke up me once again. he never did gave up on me always pushing me when i dont wanna move. ive been to comfortable to lay back. i remind me during fuel abt sensitive listening/denying our wordly pleasure. all the time God is good!
i tried my way, to get out of the mess. failed. but than i gave it too him, and he took them all away.

ohoh! 2 weeks ago, sister trina's sermon! abt having a posture of surrender and being desperate! and having the hunger for god
luke 18
matt9 and 15
it was a powerful service, felt God and it was cooool~ the expierence owns any pleasures of this world! sister grace prayed for me, i realli look up to her alot.

im trading my sorrows
im trading my shame
im laying them down for the joy of the lord!

i like watchin timmy sleep haha super spastic! he makes noises haha and farts when he sleeps!! laugh like mad once hahahahaha no matter wad u do when u sleep i still love u hahha

12:53 AM | 0 Comment

Saturday, September 01, 2007

teachers day went back old sch, meet up wif the class,volleyball people,and many others kinda fun. loved my teachers alot.

i was watching this sweeper sweeping yellow leaves on the roadside, he kept on sweeping and sweep, even though the wind kept messing the leaves up. wif a humble attitude and patience he went on and on, trying to get his job done. i was astonished and in awe the fact that he didnt show any attitude or a grumpy face he took it lightly and continue, there wasnt a sense of bitterness at all.
i give up easily when things go wrong, i tend to always run away from problems..
i wanna be that road sweeper who kept on goin.

skool coool!
met many many new buddies!
art class 2d 3d drawing printmaking integrated studies and many more, intresting jus tht its freakin hard to get all the work done on time! damn it

1:06 AM | 0 Comment

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